These are the shoes I am supposed to purchase and wear ALL THE TIME, according to my orthopedic surgeon. Now, I am no Mrs. Figby; just the thought of heels higher than an inch makes me break out in a cold sweat, and my second-hand Keen Mary Janes are my daily shoe of choice. (I am, in fact, having quite a bit of fun imagining either Mrs. F.’s or Mortimer’s Mom’s reaction to such a predicament; I admit to being a bit jealous of their fashionista tendencies and ability to wear pointy-toe high heel shoes without breaking bones).

Anyway. So I am no shoe maven. I like comfort. But I also like cute. Mary janes, slip-on sandals, and clogs. And I have this thing about sneakers. I don’t like them. I really really really don’t like them. I’m sure it dates back to my junior high gym-class trauma; I tend to avoid anything that reminds me even remotely of forced physical activity. I do own a pair of sneakers, and even wear them upon occasion, but since I acquired these, my also second-hand Merrel Jungle Mocs, my outlet-mall Adidas have been relegated to the back of the closet.

I think mostly it’s because I’m lazy; I prefer to be barefoot whenever possible and habitually slip my shoes off under my desk, in the car, and whenever I can. If I have to UNTIE my shoes before I slip them off it makes it that much more difficult. And even if I yank them off without untying them, then I have to untie them to put them back on and then tie them back up. Which is about 14 more steps than just slipping my feet back into my shoes and standing up to run down the hall to the bathroom. Or whatever.

Also, I love comfy shoes but related to the barefoot thing, I really don’t like to wear socks unless absolutely necessary, like when it is FREEZING. And with my trusty slip-ons I can get away without socks most of the time from April through November. In the winter I generally wear thick socks and boots outside, with a pair of slip-ons under my desk to change into as soon as I get to work. I just don’t like the way they make my feet feel, ok? I know that’s weird. I can’t help it. I don’t like my toes feeling constricted, I don’t like fabric touching my ankles, and that’s just the way it is.

Anyway. So now I have a doctor hemming and hawing and saying that my foot injury is “unusual” and “either it will get better or it won’t” (and I am SO GRATEFUL for those words of wisdom, by the way) and in the meantime I must have better support. Not just for my ankles and arches, but the ball of my foot. Because while the fracture is healed, the tendons are not, and as a result my fifth metatarsal apparently flops about like unsupported DDDs in a tank top (not that I would know anything about that, *coughcough*) and that is REALLY BAD. I go back in three months to re-evaluate the situation. Surgery is still a possibilty, HOWEVER, the chance that surgery would actually help and not MAKE THINGS WORSE is apparently about SIXTY PERCENT. As in, there is a 40% chance that we will CUT YOUR FOOT OPEN and saw away at your bones and snip your tendons and sew it all back up and then your foot WILL BE WORSE THAN IT WAS.

So now I am supposed to drop a hundred dollars (which, where that is supposed to come from, I really don’t know) on boring shoes that I will be supremely uncomfortable in, on the chance that they will help my metatarsal and its associated uncooperative tendons avoid a surgery which only has a slightly better than 50/50 shot of actually improving the foot situation.

Gah.